For many women motherhood, will begin the day you find out you’re expecting, some will be when giving birth and others like myself first experience will be as a stepmother or bonus mom.
I met my stepson when he was 2 years old and we connected pretty early on. The more time I spent with him the more I was amazed by how awesome of a kid he is. I have seen him grow so much in these last few years and now he’s such a big part of my life. At the time we met his father and I had been seeing each other for some months and we’re now married so there’s been a shift. From practice, homework, and everything else that comes with raising a child I have taken that on and I truly enjoy being a mother figure in his life. But being a mother to a child who’s biological mother is in the picture has its challenges.
I learned pretty early into our relationship that her stance was that I was not apart of the “team” in her mind when it comes to raising her son. I know that there are boundaries as there should be in any relationship but I made an effort to make sure I always remained “in my lane” at least in the beginning. Now that we have shifted from being a girlfriend to a wife I have been more vocal. My main focus is to make decisions with my stepson in mind even if I don’t necessarily like the final decision its not about me. My husband and I communicate a lot and try to look at all aspects and how it affects us and our son. I’ve also tried this communication approach with our other co-parent but some decisions on her end were based on how she feels rather how it affects our son and everyone involved. I will say she has got better with this but there’s still a lot of work to do on BOTH sides when it comes to communication and decision making.