Marriage… Learning and Growing

Since our wedding every time I talk to someone I haven’t seen in awhile the first question is always “how’s married life?” For the most part, I feel like it’s pretty similar to how it was before give or take a few changes…

One of the biggest changes, of course, was changing my last name but it’s also been learning how to balance. I am a wife, bonus mom, sister, daughter, friend, and shoot the list goes on really. We all take on many titles but when you’re married, some times those titles overlap, get left out, and just become rearranged. For me, I’ve had to learn the balancing act of making sure my home is taken care of, my husband and bonus baby are good, and my work life is together first. If those are in line the rest seemingly falls into place. I slack as a friend at times, I definitely could call more or try to make time for more outings but my family takes priority. If they aren’t good then I’m not. But don’t get it twisted I’m always there when my friends need me.

Communication has been one of the biggest obstacles I think we’ve been challenged with as a married couple. The majority of the time we are on the same page but what we’ve had to learn (and still learning) is how to effectively communicate when we don’t agree. The way my husband and I move when we’re upset is similar and different at the same time. He has a smart mouth so he might say something slick to get a reaction. I think it’s more so how he reacted in previous relationships so it’s more of a habit at this point. I was born with a slick mouth but I’ve learned to bite my tongue… sometimes. Which is honestly I think how we balance each other out. We can’t both act a fool or be on 10 when we’re upset or it doesn’t work. We’ve learned how to talk through things and it’s been cool watching our communication grow.

I truly enjoy having a teammate, Best friend, and lover all wrapped in one. I’m so thankful God saw fit for us to enjoy life together. Having someone to depend on and support you in every area of life is such a blessing. We legit get to spend time with one another and not have to go through this crazy cold world alone and it’s pretty dope. Praying together and growing in God has been amazing. I love to hear my husband pray. I don’t care if it’s before bed or during a meal it’s something I hold close to my heart. Watching my husband grow into a deeper connection with God is so attractive. I’ve also been able to see sides of my husband I hadn’t quite tapped into previously. He’s made great decisions and lead our family in new directions as well as been such a caring spirit. He gets on my nerves at times and he’s the most stubborn person I know but I love how he loves me. I’ve seen him become an awesome teacher, coach and he’s always shown he’s a great father…

The title I also gained with wife is Bonus mom or stepmom for many. If you would’ve asked me 5 years ago if I’d be here I would’ve laughed because I didn’t ever think I would be in this position but I can honestly say it’s amazing. Being able to pour into a child’s life and watch them grow and learn is a great feeling. I love spending time with my bonus baby and he’s truly one of the best things I never knew I needed. He’s taught me patience, understanding, and how to love even more than I knew I could. Being a bonus mom is better than I could’ve imagined. Hopefully, if you’re ever in the position you’ll enjoy it too. Being a bonus mom has helped me look into what kind of mom I am and will be whenever God blesses us with children together. With having a bonus baby also comes co-parenting…

Learning how to co-parent with a bio parent has been interesting in my new role because as a girlfriend and even fiancee I feel like I was a little timid on things I said or how I approached things I didn’t necessarily agree with. I also feel like there’s more of a respect factor for my position in my bonus son’s life more so now because it’s clear that I’m here to stay. I guess that’s where maturity and patience come in. Not going to lie though it can get tiring at times as long as our son is good that’s all I care about.

I gained a family when I got married and I thank God that they’ve embraced me and my family. I don’t ever feel out of place with them. I’ve felt home from the beginning and also supported. There are so many stories you hear about families not meshing well or terrible in-laws and I’m thankful we have some great families that joined together quickly and without hesitation. We have a good squad backing us and friends who are there when we need them so I think as long as we stay willing to learn and adapt with God we will keep enjoying our married life. 4/2/19

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